Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
