I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
