It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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