i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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