my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
