At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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