my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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