fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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