idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
