I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Porn is love you can see.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
