this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
