i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
