today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
