I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
