any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
