i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
