imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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