Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
