I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
