I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
