I am puke
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
