It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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