it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
