I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
