clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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