I bet he comes in French.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
