New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize