eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
