my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
