the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
