First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I need water and some morals
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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