you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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