walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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