the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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