she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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