So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
