they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
