Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
