I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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