Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My dick has a subreddit
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
