Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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