The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
