OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
