Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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