If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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