I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
