did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
