yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
