bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
