This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
