do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
