Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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