pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
