is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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