She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
