Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
