they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
