I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
