i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
True strength comes from lack of pants
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
