Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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