ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
