A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
