She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
