Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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