I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
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