So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
