I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Your penis caused this!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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