i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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