as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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