so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
