I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
